Reasons not to be friends with your ex
There are many reasons why you may choose not to be friends with your ex.
Here are some of them:
- Your relationship was abusive and you want to cut all contact with your ex.
- Your partner did something unforgivable.
- You are still grieving your relationship and seeing your ex gives you bad memories.
- You fear that you’ll rebound. You think being with your ex may lead into another relationship. Actually this happens.
- You still have very strong feelings for your ex. They may be sexual, emotional or whatever and they might get uncontrollable if you are together with that ex again.
Tips for being friends with your ex
- Give yourself time after the break up. Don’t rush into being friends with your ex. There might be negative feelings left from your relationship and that doesn’t build a good foundation for a friendship. Only start seeing each other as friends if you know there are no bad feelings left.
- Don’t be pushy. If your ex is clear about not wanting a friendship, respect their space. Don’t appear too pushy to be in a friendship.
- Know your motives. Why do you want to be friends with this person? Is it because you are trying to woo them back into your life as a partner or because you genuinely treasure them as friends?
- Take one step at a time. To fit into your ex’s life as a friend after having been in an intimate relationship is challenging. So start off slowly. Start by calling each other on birthdays, sending emails, text messages etc. Call off meeting each other until you think the awkward phase has passed.
- Don’t discuss sexual or romantic topics in the beginning. If you’re dating someone or have a crush on someone, don’t discuss it with your ex. You can be honest with them about your love life but spare them the details.
- Share your new relationship status with a good friend. It’s always good to let a trusted friend in on how you’re dealing with a new friendship.
- Avoid flirting or a physical relationship with your ex. This can be dangerous because before you know it, you might end up in a situation which leaves you both confused and unhappy. Remind yourself of all the reasons that led to the break up.